The Feyre Tamlin Liked
I think that a lot of what impacted Tamlin’s perception of Feyre was that he was entering their relationship specifically putting her into the box of ‘lover’, and so he only really acknowledged the parts of her that he found attractive. So let’s look at some of the things about her that he seemed to like, and see if that might paint a picture.
The Feyre Who Made Art
Tamlin seemed like he could not be more supportive of Feyre’s art. And I know there is a lot of jokes about whether or not Feyre was actually a good artist, but Tamlin at the very least seemed to have a genuine appreciation for what she was creating. He ensured she had everything she needed, and actually put a lot of thought into selecting a painting to put in his collection- something he felt came from her heart. You can read into the subtext of what that support meant, but I think he liked her having a “beautiful” hobby- a hobby that is often (incorrectly) associated with docility.
The Feyre Who Submitted
Not to be just a little spicy on main (oh who are we kidding, I’m writing about ACoTaR, it’s a given that this was going to get a little spicy) but Tamlin seemed to be particularly attracted to Feyre when she submitted to his whims. When she stopped putting up a fight. The Feyre who let him bite her. The Feyre who had only just relented and agreed to stay home and not visit the village. Some might say that Tamlin was only so passionate in those encounters because he was trying to give her some form of compromise or compensation, but I believe it’s far more likely that he acted so passionately because he was attracted to the relinquishing of power.
The Feyre Tamlin Disliked
The great thing about a lot of Feyre’s interactions with Tamlin being narrated from her perspective is that we get to see a rounded version of their relationship. And when Tamlin didn’t like something, it was made very, very clear by the way he interacted with her. So let’s take a look at what he disliked.
The Feyre Who Explores
Tamlin apologists will say that this is because he’s protective of her, but it is a notable fact that Tamlin would prefer if Feyre stayed locked inside at all times- which is such a red flag, by the way. There’s an easy explanation for this- exploration by definition is an expedition into the unknown, and what is unknown is often uncontrollable. He can’t control Feyre or what she is exposed to when she’s exploring. This is why we see him push back against her desire to explore so fervently and so often. The most leeway she ever receives is to be accompanied by one of his court (usually Lucien), so that he is at least partially in control, and even then sometimes he does it only to prove a point.
The Feryre Tamlin Can’t Control
This goes hand in hand with the last point, but one has to remember that sometimes Feyre isn’t controllable even within Tamlin’s line of sight. The High Lord Meeting, anyone? Do we wanna take a look at all of the absolutely vile things Tamlin said (or tried to say) seeing her there? Those most certainly didn’t come from a place of love, respect or admiration. I think one of the subtlest examples of the same concept is when he looked at Feyre before whipping the sentry who had allegedly fallen asleep and let the Naga take the keys. I don’t actually think that move was wholly political. He heard her challenging him, but more importantly he saw the solace she took in Lucien. Then he struck. I think that that decision came at least partially out of spite.
The Verdict
Why is Tamlin so convinced that Feyre is weak? Because he’s been so frequently distanced from Feyre- whether it be sending her home, having to send her to the Night Court, having her live in the Night Court. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and that fondness grows out of fond memories- memories that would be centric on the ideals of Feyre that he adored and that would avoid aspects of her that he didn’t. The Feyre that has grown in his memories is based on the softness and submission he craved of her, not the strength and determination that drove her to be as uncontrollable as she was to him. As we all know, once an impression of someone is set it’s hard to forget or change- and Tamlin is a particularly determined man. He wouldn’t want to see her any other way.